Delinquent
by Twonk
Summary: Alice is no longer the little girl sitting by the riverbank- she's become something else. Cue Wonderland becomes the place for total devastation and murder. Depressing... and hilarious. FINALLY UPDATED!
1. Fried eggs and fancies

Alice was at home. She was no longer seven years old, but a teenager- her homework pile was growing, and her mood swings were far more violent. No longer the 'dreamer' child that had fallen asleep on a golden afternoon, Alice now had the appearance of a juvenile delinquent. Her golden hair was constantly slicked back into a tight ponytail, whilst her preference for wearing a black cat suit mystified her mother. Her father, as it happened had died about two months ago. (He was found lying on the kitchen table, a knife in his back and blood dripping into an empty cereal bowl. The police put his death down to 'natural causes.') During the time of her father's death, Alice showed no emotion. She did not shed a tear; she did not wail with grief, she did not even shout obscenities into her mother's comforting breast. Instead she shrugged, said 'oh well. Had to happen sometime,' and proceeded to sharpen a small axe- the one she always carried- on her garden fence. It was then Alice's mother realised that perhaps her daughter was mentally disturbed.

***

It was midnight. Alice leapt out of bed and pulled on her cat suit. Her blue eyes glistened in the moonlight, giving her the appearance of the zombie from 'Dawn of the Dead.' Making as little noise as possible (cymbals were involved) Alice crept downstairs, kicked her cat (Meow!) and fled into the night. She did not see her mother watching her from the window.

Alice slipped down a dark alleyway, and ran across a busy road, dodging the traffic. She was so used to doing this now, she had become quite adept. Run, run, pant, pant- shit a lorry - dodge, dodge MADE IT. A small field- complete with a river and a large oak tree- came into view. Alice opened the gate and stepped inside. There was no problem of being caught. She had dealt with the farmer a few months back. Haystacks were great for hiding corpses. Alice climbed up into the oak tree and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

She waited like this every night. She needed a sign. Anything. But nothing ever came. No caterpillars, no hatters, no queens. She knew she wasn't crazy. But if she wasn't- where _were _these people? It seemed like another wasted night, so Alice climbed out of the tree and trudged morosely home. She flung open the door and found her mother waiting.

"Hello, Alice." With her black dresses, black hair, black lipstick and her theme tune of the funeral march playing constantly every time she moved, Alice's mother had certainly taken the 'grieving widow' concept too far. However, she was sure she looked 'stylish' and 'hip' so Alice left her to it.

"What?" Alice was in no mood to be bothered by this old crone, so she didn't bother being nice. Then she realised that it was pocket money day, so she stretched her lips into a tight smile. It gave her mother nightmares for weeks. But she persisted. "Why do you leave the house at about midnight every night?'

Alice, who was halfway through eating a fried egg (she found one on the floor), choked. Bits of yolk and egg white flew through the air, and sprayed into her mother's face. Alice hoped that this would distract her, but Mrs Liddell wiped away the mess with one casual swipe of her hand. Sucking her fingers, she asked again: "Why Alice? Just tell me _why_."

In sheer desperation, Alice grabbed an automatic pistol (it had been lying next to the fried egg) and pointed it at her mother's face. "Shut up woman!" Mrs Liddell blanched- setting off an entire chorus of 'the Funeral March'. "Okay."

Alice stormed up to her room. She needed her daily hit of magic mushrooms.


	2. The Rabbit of Darkness

"Alice?" There was a tap on her bedroom door. "May I come in?"

Alice glared balefully across the room. When was the woman ever going to leave her alone? Wasn't pointing a gun at her _enough? _Her voice obscured by the amount of drugs she had used, Alice tried to speak.

"Cooomna," her tongue felt far too big for her mouth- swollen and furry. She tried again.

"Come…iaan…in." The bedroom door flew open.

"Alice!" Her mother scolded, when she saw the state she was in. "What _are_ you doing to yourself?" Alice didn't even deign to reply. She lolled there, swaying slightly and looking like she had just had ten rounds with Mike Tyson. Her mother sighed.

"They're coming for you." Her voice tried to stay stable, but trembled precariously- like a vase about to fall off a shelf. "I need you to pack up your things and leave."

Alice had never recovered from a drug fest so fast. She sat up and grabbed her mother's shoulders and shook them, trying to make desperate sense of what was happening. "Where am I going?" she screamed. "What have you done?"

Her mother closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "The Powers That Be. They're taking you away under my request."

"WHY?"

"I just can't deal with you, Alice. After your father… passed away, I can't cope anymore. It's like trying to look after an ostrich that insists on keeping it's head in the sand. You don't tell me anything, you don't confide in me- and when I try and see you, you're always in a state like _this_. It's got to be too much. You have to go."

Leaping off the bed, Alice performed a triple somersault in mid air, stylishly grabbing the katana that was attached to the bedroom wall. Calmly, she pointed the blade at her mother's throat. "When are they coming?"

"Alice. Please." Her mother was trembling violently, and 'The Funeral March' played around the room, making the scene seem even more morbid. Alice pressed the point of the katana into her mother's flesh- a thin stream of blood began to run down her chest, though she made no effort to wipe it away. Mrs Liddell no longer pleaded- her wide, terrified eyes betrayed all her deepest fears.

"When are they coming?" The blue of Alice's irises seemed to suddenly glisten with liquid diamond. But they couldn't have. Alice hadn't cried for years.

When her mother didn't answer, Alice withdrew the sword and held it to her chest. "Please tell me what to expect. Give me a chance to escape."

"I can't."

With a sudden burst of fury, silver flashed through the air. A spray of crimson spattered the walls and began to run- a ruined canvas. Alice stared at her mother and waited for the emotion. Sadness. Guilt. _Anything. _

Nothing. Alice dropped her weapon and backed out of the door. Where could she go? They couldn't get their hands on her- she'd rather die. Not fully aware of what she was doing, Alice began to run.

Her unconscious knew where she was running to, before she truly realised it herself. The field. It had to be there this time. There wasn't an option.

Down the alleyway- it always looked so different in daylight- and across the road. Traffic came to a sudden halt as the golden haired delinquent leapt in front of cars- not seeming to care if her life came to an abrupt end.

The oak tree was in sight. Alice burst through the field's gates, and like a monkey scrambled into it's branches. It didn't take long.

A black rabbit with scarlet eyes ran close by her. In it's hand it carried a small dagger- stains suspiciously spread on the razored-edge. Unlike the white rabbit before, this parallel creature didn't speak. It stopped underneath the tree, and stared up at her- the red becoming a faint glow.

For a split second, Alice paused. Had she changed this_ much? _Had all her childhood innocence and purity represented by the pocket watch carrying bunny, been distorted so far that it had created this vision of horror? She fixed her eyes to the black rabbit's. It's head twitched, indicating that it was time to follow.

Alice dropped from the tree, landing with the elegance of a cat. The rabbit set off, and Alice trailed it- careful not to lose it from sight.

There it was- the rabbit hole that she remembered from ten years ago. It showed how naïve she used to be- anybody could see that the hole was a death trap. The rabbit of darkness bolted into the entrance without a second glance. Alice's turn.

She straightened up, a grim, bitter smile on her face. How much had Wonderland changed? She hoped that it was still full of lunatics. They were _fun_. Plus, she could now officially join their club. And this time, she wouldn't want to leave.

"I'll take my chances." She crawled into the hole and the fall began.

**NB: I know, I know. This chapter is depressing. But it'll get funnier. And I can't be sweetness and light all the time. It wouldn't be healthy. XD. **


	3. Blood Sugar

It was dark. Go figure. Alice went down, down, down with the grace of a dropped feather. Last time she had been down this hell hole she had been curious. _Curious! _Alice hadn't felt that for a long, long time. Now she just felt bored.

Trying to recapture some of her youthful interest, Alice looked around her, expecting to see the bookshelves, table lamps, and floating jars of marmalade. No- none of that. As if adjusting to Alice's new personality, different things fell before Alice's disinterested eyes.

A knife, with sticky red liquid running down on to the handle. A bottle of lethal poison. The face of a bloody corpse, eyes wide and staring. Anybody else would have recoiled. But not this bitch. Instead she merely yawned.

"How cliché. Oh, the darkness, the _horror_. So well thought out, isn't it? What happened to the delights of _plot twists?_"

Then the circus music began.

Alice stopped falling and found herself in a sawdust covered ring. A tall man, clad in red velvet, a hideous moustache and gripping a black whip, stood in the centre.

"Roll up!" He called, stroking his whiskers in the most perverted manner known to living man. "Come and see the freak show… ALICE LIDDELL!"

The crowd roared. Several eggs were thrown and spattered into Alice's face.

"Woo! 50 points! I hit her in the stomach!"

"Yeah, whatever! I got her in the _eye!_"

"Piss off, did you!"

"Did!"

"Liar!"

Alice watched with growing fury. She hadn't got a clue what the hell was going on, all she knew was that she was covered in egg yolk. Slowly, she walked up to the ringmaster, whose back was turned. Delicately she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Yes?"

Aw, that would hurt in the morning- a good old kick in the privates. The ringmaster groaned and dropped to his knees. An old woman with her grey hair in a bun- clutching a half knitted jumper, complete with knitting needles- ran into the ring. "How could you? He's only a boy!"

"What? Like fuck is he!" Alice glanced at the master, who had to be at least fifty years old. "Whatever, Grandma. You don't wanna mess with me."

That's when the psycho stabbed her, her 15 inch needle plunging into Alice's chest.

"Take that! Knit one, pearl one!"

It was a good job Alice was wearing her stab vest- five pound eighty from Argos. "You bitch! You think just 'cause you're old I won't hit back!"

"I'd like to see ya try!" The old lady attempted what she fondly thought was a professional Kung Fu pose. And it would be, but only if the professional in question was blind drunk and a bank manager.

"WAAAAAAH!" Alice leapt at the old woman who dodged.

"Haha, you young whippersnapper!" The old lady jabbed her knitting needles into Alice's face.

"Right." The delinquent wasn't going to have this. "Prepare for the showdown, laydee!"

They faced each other. The ringmaster stood up and addressed the audience, who were watching with bated breath.

"_Ladies and Gentlemen  
we understand that you  
have come tonight  
to bare witness to the sound  
of drum... and... bass_

We regret to announce that this is not the case  
as instead, we come tonight to bring you,  
the solid recreation of the end of the World  
Ladies and Gentlemen prepare to Hold Your Colour!"

The song 'Blood Sugar' by pendulum began to play. Alice back flipped into the air, and kicked the old lady hard in the chest. The woman went flying, but grabbed onto a trapeze and swung back.

"HAAAAAAAAAAA!" Her size three wrinkled feet slammed into Alice's face. Alice grabbed hold of her, cartwheeled, and tried to slam a fist right into her chops. But the old bint blocked, and put Alice in a headlock. The audience cheered.

"_Okay, Fuck it. I lied. It's drum and bass. What you gonna do?"_ The Ringmaster's announcement was met with screams of delight, and a shower of popcorn.

Alice wrenched herself out of the headlock and did a 360 spinning roundhouse kick into the back of the ancient's skull. This, she expected would finish her off, but no such luck. The aged wench leapt into the air, and _hovered_ in front of Alice's eyes. Alice knew when she was beaten.

"Shit."

At one last attempt for glory, Alice did a triple somersault, followed by a back flipped snap kick. It missed. The old bitch laughed. Desperately, Alice grabbed a pair of spinning blades that happened to be lying on the floor. With a 540 spin, Alice flung the weapon in hope that it would strike it's target. Nah.

The psycho dodged the blades and "Spitfire"_- _the Prodigy began to play. With as little effort as if she was merely mutilating a small child (something that, actually, she had recently gone to prison for) the old crone pulled out two scythes from the strap on her back. Before Alice could blink, they were spinning so fast that she could feel the wind trying to blow her away.

"MINIONS!" The woman screamed this one word as if her life depended on it. Suddenly, from every direction, men swathed in Wushu- Warrior robes came out from the shadows and surrounded Alice. Fatboy Slim's "Right Here, Right Now," completely drowned out _Spitfire_ and all the men began to dance. The crowd yelled in delight.

The effect was hypnotic. Alice looked at the dancers and felt her eyes growing heavy. "Can't… fight… any… more."

"There, there dear." Alice weakly looked up the old woman, and with some surprise saw that she had turned onto a clown. It gave a grotesque smile. "Say hello to Coco!"

"What the crap?"

"I do crack cocaine!"

Alice's brain melted. "Okay I take it back!" she shouted, defeated. "Clichés are good. Anything's better than this load of crap." Nothing happened. "I'm SORRY ok?"

The circus disappeared and Alice was falling again. Whoa. That had not been good. So much for clichés. That had been… interesting to say the least. Coco had seemed quite cool though. DAMMIT. She should have got his number.

Minutes passed. Abruptly, as if they had been expecting her, the leaves cushioned Alice's fall with a soft thump. She leapt to her feet. Show time.

…again.


	4. Splinters

**AN: Hey guys- haven't updated anything AIWdy for a while, and I apologise. Hell, you probably don't even remember me. Sorry; it's just I lost inspiration for AIW fics and moved to Harry Potter instead. Then Harry Potter went out of the window and it was Pride and Prejudice. Now it's nothing. Life's a bitch like that. Sorry, this story isn't my best writing, but I'm working on some decent stuff and FanFiction provides the comic relief. So… enjoy! **

Still slightly disorientated from her hallucinations, Alice lurched off down the corridor.

"I remember that. And that. And that. And… no I don't remember that."

She was so busy staring at whatever the hell she was looking at, that she didn't notice the Rabbit of Darkness until she banged straight into him.

"Oh! Sorry."

The black rabbit gave a slight inclination of his head, as if he were accepting her apology; it's red eyes bored into her, glowing in the dimness of the passage. Alice got to her feet and stroked it's ear.

"You're a good lil' bunny aren't you?"

The Rabbit did not react, but continued to stare, and Alice felt a little buzz of annoyance.

"It's rude to stare you know. And you could at least ANSWER me!"

The Rabbit shook his head, and offered her some black leather gloves and a Chinese bladed fan. Cautiously, Alice took them from him, remembering what the gloves and the fan had done last time.

"Am I supposed to use these? Am I supposed to get smaller?"

The Rabbit shrugged- a symbol which seemed to say to Alice _do what you like._ So Alice did.

"Yeah, I'm alright thanks." She handed back the items, but the rabbit refused to take them.

_You might need them later._

Alice realised with a slight thrill that the Rabbit, although he wasn't talking, she could understand what he meant. It was like telepathy or something, and Alice decided she quite liked it.

"Is that how you communicate? Telepathy?"

_What do you think, dickwad? _

Okay, she couldn't of imagined that. Rabbits didn't insult people, they… gave you chocolate eggs and ate carrots. The best of both worlds. E-numbers for me, veggie crap for you…

But Rabbits before Wonderland never wore waistcoats and pocket watches either. Rabbit- telepathy? Yeah, why not? I'll take it if you do.

"Right. But aren't you… you know… late for something?"

_Like?_

"I dunno… the Queen?"

_The Queen's a psycho. _

"Duh. She was last time. No change there, then."

_You don't understand. _

"No, I don't."

_I'm not the one to explain. Just… get to Wonderland. And don't waste anymore time. _

"What? I don't get anymore cool hallucinations?"

_That one was a freebie. If you want another, you'll have to pay. _

Alice gave a sigh. This conversation was just too weird, and she hadn't killed anybody for about thirty minutes. Killing to Alice was like smoking- if she didn't have that hit then she got exceedingly grumpy. And Alice grumpy was bad. Very bad.

"How much?"

_I'll be generous. Twenty quid. _

"WHAT? Do you think I'm MADE of money?"

_Lady, I'm being generous. Wonderland is just one huge hallucination, and yet you want extra. That's like me giving you a twenty pound steak and you asking for chips as well. It's just greedy. _

"I like my food."

_So does your hips. You want more hallucinations, you gotta pay for them. Twenty five quid. _

"WHAT?"

_Fine then. Thirty. _

"Done." She handed the Rabbit of Darkness three ten pound notes and he stuffed them into one of his ears.

_You'll get your first extra phantasm in an hour. _

"That's AGES."

_An hour. Get going, you haven't got much time. _With that, the Rabbit disappeared, and Alice was alone. Slowly she walked down the remainder of the passage, and into the room of doors which she remembered from ten years earlier. Sure enough, the curtain was where it had been before, and Alice knelt down and pulled it back. The little door. Alice smiled a grotesque grin.

"No little keys this time." Making her way to the glass table she found a medium axe made out of solid gold.

"Suits me." In an angry-Alice frenzy she hacked at the door and splinters of wood and metal flew in all directions. Alice was laughing like a maniac, screaming with joy whenever a particularly large splinter embedded itself into her face. "THIS IS AWESOME!"

Finally the door was just a messed up hole in the wall, and for the first time Alice felt her phizog. Bits of wood stuck out in all directions, one the size of a small twig dangerously close to her eye. "Whoa. Nasty." Wincing slightly, she pulled it out with a faint sucking noise, and blood began to run freely down her face and onto the floor.

POP

A little bottle suddenly appeared at the delinquent's feet and she picked it up, expecting it to say DRINK ME. Nah, what it said was ANTISEPTIC FLUID.

"Oh!" Said Alice, surprised. "Thank you."

POP

A little box of cotton wool puffs followed, and she picked this up too. "You don't half take care of me." Carefully, she began to rub the green liquid into her cuts, and winced slightly when they stung. She never noticed the rising waves around her ankles, but when they came up to her neck the penny dropped.

"What the f…" Realising that the ANTISEPTIC FLUID had made her shrink, Alice dropped the cotton wool and began to breaststroke furiously. For some reason, the Pool of Tears was bright red and smelt slightly of metal. She remembered that deep cut and how it had bled. Pool of Tears? Nah, Pool of Blood.

"I wish I hadn't bled so much." Swimming through the hacked open doorway, Alice wondered when she was going to meet Mr Mouse. "But I bet it's something _evil_ now, like a rat or something." She said to herself, rolling her eyes. "This place is so fricking predictable. I really can't be arsed." Bored of breaststroke, she turned onto her back, and let herself float. She never noticed a pair of evil looking eyes peeping at her from above the surface of the blood-bath.

She never noticed the swish of a large and powerful tail.

She never even noticed that the log she clasped onto for support seemed to have an abundance of scales.

She noticed the jaws though. And the teeth inside them.

Fuck off was it going to be a rat.

Alice Liddell was face to face with a fully grown crocodile.

**AN: Did you like it? If you did, please review!!! The crocodile is called Montgomery by the way, and he likes cigars. It's not uncommon. XD. **


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